April is National Poetry Month. I’ve decided to celebrate by sharing the first poem I ever wrote…many…many moons ago.
At the awkward, angsty age of 15, I started writing a journal. It was simple, spiralbound and bent at the seams. No pretty cover art, no calendars and no pocket to hold your cell phone. In those days cell phones were about as big as your head…literally.
It was nothing fancy, but it was all mine. And I filled every line.
Most of the time I was blathering about boys, or confessing the havoc my friends and I were wreaking on our sleepy Midwestern town, or critiquing the coolest movies and music of the 90’s.
Did I totally just age myself…as if!
Anyway, once in a while I used my little red journal to turn my seldom sane teenage thoughts into poems. And I’m so happy now that I did.
How cathartic it is to decades later rediscover who you once were and how much you’ve changed…or even more surprisingly, how much of you is exactly the same. Despite a lifetime of hallows and horrors, parts of you will forever be you.
And thank goodness for that.
So here it is, coming at you faster than a hypercolor tshirt turns…brown? My very first poem. You are the first to read it. Be kind to my baby.
I can’t sleep
And I can’t live, living like this.
These days of confusion and solitude
Have conquered the youthful life I miss.
The existence I knew has ended
But the memories still remain.
Why can’t I simply forget them
When all they cause is pain?
The agony of emptiness
Will destroy my aching heart.
Offered comfort falls on deaf ears
My own fear keeps us apart.
The love I have to give
Lies in my heart unheard.
It stays with me like shadows
And lessons I have learned.
My soul is wounded
It’s hurt by wayward friends.
The imprint left is lasting
To betrayal I see no end.
Could it be my fate
To love the cruel and cold?
They leave me bruised and battered
And feeling untimely old.
I’m lost in this everlasting circle
Of lost love and tragedy.
Alone I sit and suffer
With no one to rescue me.
Did I mention I’ve always been a bit of a drama queen?
Thanks for reading, friends.