A Letter to My Mother, On the Anniversary of Her Death

I used to have this thing, where I was too embarrassed to mention you for fear of making people feel uncomfortable. I mean, death is awkward and depressing.

But I’m over that now.

When it comes to lives, you certainly lived a wonderful one. When it comes to kindness, selflessness, intelligence and humor, I can’t think of many better. Never will I be embarrassed again.

It’s been 16 years. We’re looking at old photo albums, and I’m realizing just how long ago that was. There are no digital photos of you, no shaky smartphone videos, no abandoned email address. You never knew what 9/11 would come to mean. Babies that were born on the day you died are now old enough to drive.

And the day is nearing that I will have lived longer without you, than with you.

I’m worried I’m forgetting the look of your face, the sound of your voice, the cackle in your laugh. And maybe someday the memories will fade.

But no matter how many years go by, sweet mama, I will never forget the way you made me feel. So safe, so comfortable, so happy, so loved.

I see twinkles of you in my giggling little boys’ eyes. I listen to the memories recounted by dear childhood friends. I hear a song. I smell the lilacs you so loved. And instead of pain bringing me to my knees, my heart skips a happy beat at the sound of your name.

How lucky we all were to know you, and most of all me, to call you mom.

Sometimes I can’t believe I’m still not ‘over’ you. But why should I ever be? I have loved you every second of every day. And I am not ashamed to say that, like the Willie Nelson song you used to sing along to while I plunked along on piano, you are always always on my mind.

I love you, I miss you, I am so proud that you were mine.

Advertisements

20 thoughts on “A Letter to My Mother, On the Anniversary of Her Death

  1. Nailed it! Beautiful! She was the best teacher anyone could ever ask for and treated every student like they were her own! I feel for you Katie! It is the greatest pain that we have endured to this day, losing our mothers, but all we can do is learn from what they have taught us. She raised and taught you well! She is looking down and is so incredibly proud of the strong, intelligent, beautiful woman and mother and wife you have become!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. How beautiful! Your mom was a favorite teacher of mine long ago. She was so nice and you could just feel how much she cared…I truly felt special! How blessed you are to call her “Mom”….and thank you for sharing this and her with us all.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This made me want to go and hug my mom. Going through our days in a rush I think most of us forget that we aren’t promised another day and to slow down a little for the people that matter.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. That is amazing , you put into words exactly the way I feel . It’s so painful at first, you can barely breathe. And then a smell, a song , a photo now brings a smile , and yes sometimes a tear. But mostly wonderful, warm memories of the person that loved us most. My mom made me feel like I was Christmas everytime I walked thru the door. I miss that feeling of being loved so deeply , and truly. Although in my ❤️.. It’s always reply there ! Nicely done , loved reading

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s