How to Feel Like You’re Not Driving a Minivan, When You Are in Fact Driving a Minivan

Minivan Mom

I see you, minivan mom. You swore you’d never succumb to its elongated frame and matronly…well, everything. But lo and behold, baby #3 came along and kicked that promise right to the mother lovin’ curb. And now here you are schlepping droves of squealing children around to t-ball practice, surrounded by little landmines of goldfish cracker crumbs and slobbery, chewed up sucker sticks.

And secretly, you love it.

Those power doors and dual screen DVD player are the bomb!

Don’t worry, I won’t tell.

See I’m the same as you. And I’m here to help. Here are a few tips for making yourself feel a little cooler while navigating that swagger wagon around the Costco parking lot. So strap into that Sienna, sister, and get ready to rock it.

1.  Sunglasses.  Always sunglasses. Overcast and rainy? Don’t care. Do not remove them from your face.

2.  Crank Drake until the windows shake.  Not your style? Try Tupac, J-Z, Dixie Chicks, whatever! If it floats that boat, turn that sh*t up.

3.  Open the sunroof.  Oooh yeah…that’s it. Sun feels so good on your smooth skin. Hair is flowing in the breeze. Now close that thing up, the baby’s cold!

4.  Hide the soccer balls and strollers.  I know, I know. This one is a bit tricky. We need those things on the regular, we’re minivan moms after all. But trust me, concealing further evidence is a make-or-break step.

5.  Rip that stick figure family off your window and shred it into a million tiny little pieces.  Immediately.

So there you have it. With just a few simple steps, you can mentally transport out of your wood-trimmed, cup-holder-riddled interior and back to your days of cooldom.

Now go forth and crush those minivan mom stereotypes!

And hug those sweet little babies that made you one.

9 responses to “How to Feel Like You’re Not Driving a Minivan, When You Are in Fact Driving a Minivan”

  1. I got a good chuckle out of your post. By the way I have just nominated you for the Liebster Award!

    Find out how to accept the award at:

    🙂 Vagabon Velda


    1. THANK YOU!!! You made my day.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Crank drake until the windows shake!!!!! Love it

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Katie Schiller Avatar
    Katie Schiller

    I can definitely relate, lol! We totally call our mini “The Swaggin Wagon”, too! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ha ha! too funny. get one of those stickers that says “My T-Rex just ate your stick family”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I haven’t seen that sticker, but now I need to find it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. yeh! put that on your mini van. all of the other soccer Moms will give you a wife berth in the parking lot.


  5. […] uttered by my oldest after a car ride to Target with me. There I was, 10 and 2 at the wheel of my minivan, my son two rows behind me in the backseat. As I was silently contemplating the excuses I […]


  6. […] been one of those days. Nothing went your way. Missed a deadline at work. Kid vomited in your minivan. Flat tire on your drive home. And because of stupid effing autocorrect, you just texted your boss […]


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: