How to Feel Like You’re Not Driving a Minivan, When You Are in Fact Driving a Minivan

I see you, minivan mom. You swore you’d never succumb to its elongated frame and matronly…well, everything. But lo and behold, baby #3 came along and kicked that promise right to the mother lovin’ curb. And now here you are schlepping droves of squealing children around to t-ball practice, surrounded by little landmines of goldfish cracker crumbs and slobbery, chewed up sucker sticks.

And secretly, you love it.

Those power doors and dual screen DVD player are the bomb!

Don’t worry, I won’t tell.

See I’m the same as you. And I’m here to help. Here are a few tips for making yourself feel a little cooler while navigating that swagger wagon around the Costco parking lot. So strap into that Sienna, sister, and get ready to rock it.

1.  Sunglasses.  Always sunglasses. Overcast and rainy? Don’t care. Do not remove them from your face.

2.  Crank Drake until the windows shake.  Not your style? Try Tupac, J-Z, Dixie Chicks, whatever! If it floats that boat, turn that sh*t up.

3.  Open the sunroof.  Oooh yeah…that’s it. Sun feels so good on your smooth skin. Hair is flowing in the breeze. Now close that thing up, the baby’s cold!

4.  Hide the soccer balls and strollers.  I know, I know. This one is a bit tricky. We need those things on the regular, we’re minivan moms after all. But trust me, concealing further evidence is a make-or-break step.

5.  Rip that stick figure family off your window and shred it into a million tiny little pieces.  Immediately.

So there you have it. With just a few simple steps, you can mentally transport out of your wood-trimmed, cup-holder-riddled interior and back to your days of cooldom.

Now go forth and crush those minivan mom stereotypes!

And hug those sweet little babies that made you one.

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