Mommy’s Crabby: What Not To Do Next

Mommy woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. You know, the bed I share with daddy, the dog and now your wiggly 2-year-old brother who refuses to rest unless his hand is lying somewhere on my sleepy head.

So work with me today, children.

And if you’re good little boys, mommy will take you to Target and buy you any toy you want. No matter how big and noisy and obnoxious.

Don’t judge me, people. Desperate times call for bribery.

There are just a few simple rules. A few shenanigans I urge you to avoid today:

  • DO NOT PLACE FOREIGN OBJECTS IN THE TOILET. This includes but is not limited to: toys, clothing, electronics and for the love of GAWD not your hands! Likewise, if you are using the training potty, do NOT attempt to empty it yourself. Repeat after me: Leave the pee, where it be.
  • DO NOT FIGHT. Do not speak to each other, do not look at each other and definitely don’t touch each other. Done. See? Easy, right? Right?!?
  • DO NOT INJURE YOURSELVES OR EACH OTHER. Keep your precious little paws to yourself, and no one gets hurt. Literally. Activities that present the greatest risk of injury include:
    -Don’t tie your scarf around your brother’s neck in an attempt to ‘walk’ him
    -Don’t jump off the top bunk bed on to your Tonka truck
    -Don’t ride the couch cushions down the basement stairs like a bobsled
    -Don’t run with scissors. I repeat. Do not run with scissors
    -Don’t smack each other with your toy light sabers
    -And for christ’s sake don’t climb the dang bookcase like a ladder…geez you guys, c’mon!

I know that’s a lot of no no’s. There is actually one thing you CAN do, that is certain to turn mommy’s frown upside down.

  • N-A-P.

So if you know what’s good for you…oh who am I kidding…you guys are going to do at least half of these things by lunchtime.

And I will grin through gritted teeth and bear it. Because I’m your mom, and I love you.

And because I know the wine bottle’s just a short walk to the kitchen away.

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11 thoughts on “Mommy’s Crabby: What Not To Do Next

  1. Ha-ha. I remember those days. My boys are 17 months apart and when they were 3 and 5 I would routinely threaten to drop them off at the church so the church people could take care of them (because they had so much more patience than I). Or if the effect of that threat wore off I would offer to take them up to Macon, to “The Other Family Store” where they could pick out a family of their own choosing. Ahhh – those were the days. Now all I can threaten them with is taking away their car keys, cell phones and Debit cards (which isn’t half as exciting).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Try and engage the children in activities that challenge them. Particularly ones you judge. You are the supreme leader and their Mother. Love them and also teach them how to live.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. just think what they will be like as teenagers. I am so glad I turned that baby, toddler and wee kid part of the family business over to my nieces and nephews. it’s one my my new found joys in life being in my 50’s and looking at them and then asking “having a lil’ problem there?”

    <<< insert evil laugh at this part of the comment

    Liked by 1 person

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